Leadership and loneliness…
Magnificent Double Rainbow = Pot of Gold? Image credit - DOUG FLOCKHART
A friend that has a lot to do with many companies and their CEO’s globally, recently shared this off the cuff insight given his interactions – i.e. that CEO’s are delusional and lonely.
Are you laughing?
When you really start thinking about this comment, would it be fair to say (if you are a CEO/leader) that you’re not a ‘psycho’ but that it’s more like you have to be delusional to do the job, and that the best ones are aware of and good at it.
Successful CEOs/leaders are passionate, full of heart, full of hustle, full of loyalty, and most importantly, full of delusion. You might say they are the Peter Pans of the business world as they inflict and manifest self-imposed delusion.
What you don’t know is the best are delusional because they’re going into that boardroom aware of all the employees, they are responsible for and are aware that they’re fighting to keep their employees employed. Additionally, the innate ability to block things out (like a psychopath) is the game-changer – from scalability to longevity.
Successful CEOs/leaders are passionate, full of heart, full of hustle, full of loyalty, and most importantly, full of delusion.
Although as a CEO you get to shape a company, business, community club, etc in your image, hire people to work with you, and receive recognition for your accomplishments...
…It’s also incredibly lonely.
Most CEOs and senior leaders indicate the biggest issue they face in their roles is not having anyone to confide in. Given the overwhelming responsibility and pressure to appear calm for employees, to consistently deliver results and to be where the proverbial buck stops, it’s no wonder they have a tendency to isolate themselves.
Yep - and it’s a problem.
From the size of salary packages to heated boardroom clashes to dramatic exits, misbehaving chief executive officers have dominated management headlines for many years. It would be fair to say, few people feel particularly sorry for CEOs as an overarching statement, and I think you’d agree that’s unlikely to change. CEOs have power, prestige, influence, and (in some cases wealth) - the general perception is that they have it made. That is definitely so when the Uber driver you’re driving with hears what you do! So, I imagine most of the general public would scoff if I was to say today’s business leaders face some genuine troubles.
So, what can we all learn from this?
Leaders owe it to themselves and more importantly, their organisations to make sure this isolation does not impact their effectiveness. The Harvard Business Review suggests there are three steps to mitigating loneliness in positions of leadership:
1. Accept Reality - Simply acknowledging feelings of loneliness or isolation can be a relief in itself. Constantly denying these emotions in exchange for a (false) sense of self-assurance is exhausting. Leaders should take a moment each day to process and accept how complex, and even scary, their responsibilities can be. The more accepting a leader is of this reality, the easier it will be to seek and accept support in dealing with it. Moreover, CEOs cannot view this acceptance as a failure — there is a reason why they were chosen for the role, and loneliness does not translate to defeat.
2. Seek Support - A reliable support system is crucial to CEO achievement, and CEOs should begin cultivating a group of trusted advisors from day one. There is no single answer regarding who should fill this role. Depending on the CEO’s comfort level, an advisor could be a trusted board member, a spouse, or even a past CEO. Most importantly, this support system must work in two ways. Not only do these advisors provide a safe outlet for a CEO to express concerns, but they must also reliably provide honest, unvarnished feedback. This collaborative relationship does not privilege one person over another. Instead, it allows a CEO to regain perspective, align priorities, and adapt management practices.
In many cases, learning to accept feedback is a challenge in itself, especially if a CEO has created an armor of hubris or overconfidence. Peeling away these layers and learning to accept feedback from trusted advisors ultimately makes for a more resilient leader.
3. Keep Moving - The burden of isolation can often lead to inaction, to feeling “frozen” and unable to process the next step or the next decision. Because the big picture strategy decisions a CEO must make can be overwhelming (particularly for first time CEOs), it is easy to become mired in small details and push aside the decisions that really matter. Tackling the major obstacles head-on will increase confidence and make the next big judgment call easier. To get moving, a CEO should start by selecting one challenge. This challenge, no matter how complex, should be approached by gathering data, looking to advisors for feedback and support, making the decision and then moving on to the next problem. While CEOs must not forget to include their senior team in the deliberation process, it should be remembered that the final choice is ultimately theirs. Reaching out to talented team members and a support team will reduce feelings of isolation and give leaders the confidence to “go ahead” with tackling the obstacles to their organizations’ success.
Anyone who has stepped into a new leadership role knows that the less-than-positive feelings that come with authority are often unexpected. CEOs and other leaders go to great lengths to maintain a façade of unflappable confidence, concealing any insecurities or feelings of anxiety. But this cycle creates dangerous problems for both leaders and their organizations as a whole. In today’s high-stakes business/consumer environment, leaders cannot afford to ignore doubts and anxieties that risk impacting their entire organization.
Last word - when I learnt to fly aircraft as a 16 yr old, the instructor said to me (in addition to the statement “that if all else fails, look out the widow and fly the aircraft”) “keep this uppermost in your mind, the fact that if you are OK (and safe) then everyone else that is with you, will also share in that outcome.”
Also, leadership requires continual change and evolution to ensure ‘real’ relevance. As Sir Richard Branson said...
It’s not always about wearing suits or pleasing stockholders. It’s about being true to yourself, your ideas and focusing on the essentials.
